THINGS TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR PARTNER BEFORE GETTING HITCHED
When choosing someone you will be spending the rest of your life with, it is crucial to consider many things before tying the knot. Choosing a lifelong partner may not only affect your life but also intertwine with the lives of both families. Everyone is different, and everyone wants different things in life, and not discussing them may lead to an unhappy married life.
Some people say “love” is all that matters before marrying somebody. While love is the most important essence of absolutely anything, it is not all that is required to keep two people together forever. If it did, there wouldn’t be any divorces happening in the world.
Whether arranged or love marriages, it is essential to discuss what you, both individually and together, want in life to avoid future differences or clashes.
When you meet somebody, they have their best personality presented to you but once you start spending more time with them, you realize that they might be different in more ways than you could have imagined, and honestly, that’s okay; it’s you two who have to discuss and decide whether you are okay being opposites in certain aspects and are ready to work through life together or not. There is no fundamental rule to a marriage; it is all about understanding, supporting, and, most importantly, dealing with life together. Clashes are bound to happen between partners, that’s human nature, but there are some things that can be a deal breaker for you in the long run, and it is essential to discuss those things before getting married. So, let’s dive deeper into things you should discuss with your partner before getting hitched.
Career & Finance
It is essential to discuss each other’s career and financial status. In a society dominated by patriarchal norms, it is important to know whether the “to be head of the family” will be okay with the woman earning more than him. Will he support your career choices and push you towards achieving your goals? Will your success bruise his ego, or will he be happy for you? Supporting each other’s careers is one of the crucial parts of marriage.
Finance is another important aspect. How the other person manages his or her finances and how much he usually spends and saves are some meaningful discussions that should be discussed before marriage. Because when two people are together, they can’t just think about themselves and their way of living but also have to think about their other half. Marriage is all about meeting in the middle. How you spend and save becomes essential, especially when you start a family. Some people have the habit of spending without thinking and later fail to manage their finances; these are some habits that you should be willing to change (unless you are so rich that buying anything wouldn’t hurt your finances)
Religious Beliefs, Core Values, and Politics.
You wouldn’t believe how many fights you and your partner can get into because of religious clashes. Suppose you and your partner have different religious beliefs. In that case, it is essential to know whether your partner will support and respect your religion along with theirs or not. Will they force you to drop your religious beliefs and ask you to only follow and believe theirs?
Everybody is free to follow the religion they want, but respecting your partner’s beliefs is crucial because disrespecting them would be disrespecting your partner as well. Supporting each other’s culture and core values is essential for a respectful marriage. It would help if you always communicated the values that you two hold closely before moving forward together.
Having different political views can also turn into fights you never hoped for; it is always safe to discuss them as well. We have many ongoing fights in politics anyway; a couple can’t do the same in their own homes and shouldn’t make it a reason to hold grudges or drift apart. It is okay to have different political opinions, but make sure it isn’t the center of your life that it can harm your relationship with your partner.
Family, Commitment, and Kids
When you marry someone, you don’t just become an integral part of each other’s life but also a part of each other’s family. Before you get married, it is essential to understand each other’s families. Along with your partner, would their parents be supportive towards you or not, would they give you the love you deserve, and would they meddle in your lives or let you two be?
One of the most critical discussions is whether to live with your in-laws or live separately with your partner. Does your partner want the same, or is he asking you to adjust and live with his whole family? Is it an adjustment you are happily willing to make, or will it disrupt your happiness in the long run? It is essential to consider such things before getting married. Because marriage is a lifelong commitment, and you should only make it if you are sure, you will be able to stick with it happily.
One of the other significant decisions that needs to be discussed with your partner before getting married is having kids. Do you both want kids and when do you want to make that particular decision after getting married. If, because of some medical reasons, you can’t have kids, would your partner be okay with it? What if your partner does not want to get pregnant and wishes to adopt a child? These are important decisions that can impact your lives, and it is always better to discuss them before taking the big step.
Past, Loyalty, and Expectations
Before you make the decision to spend your life with someone, it is vital to know about each other’s past. We all have a past, both good and bad. We have all made wrong and right choices and faced their consequences. Nobody likes discussing their past with someone, and we often hide the things we are guilty of or embarrassed about in the past. But we all need at least one person to tell everything about ourselves, good and bad, and if that person isn’t your partner, don’t make them a partner. It is very important to know if your partner will accept you after hearing all sides of your life, and if they will love you just the same after knowing it. Having that trust in your partner and knowing that you can rely on them makes your bond almost unbreakable. It can either be a deal breaker or a deal maker. Learning about your partners’ past also helps you learn about them. Why did they make certain decisions, what did they do in their past relationships? Are they a good human or not? Having a bad past doesn’t certainly mean they are a terrible person; everybody has their own reasons, and it’s always about what you learn from your past mistakes. And to be vulnerable and open about each other’s past is a beautiful thing in a relationship and a good sign to take the next step. It is also a test of their loyalty whether they choose to stay or leave after knowing everything about you.
Expectations are also something two people should communicate about. No relationships are without expectations, and it is entirely okay to expect certain things from your partner. Talk about each other’s expectations and what you expect of your partner in certain situations or what you want to change about them and whether they are willing to change it. For instance, if your partner has a drinking or smoking habit, would you be okay with it, or would you want your partner to quit before getting married. Talk about your conditions and your expectations; talking can help a lot.
Communication & Adjustments
While you discuss all of this with your partner, you will also get to know how good they are at communication. It is true that communication is the key to a happy relationship. It is important to know how well your partner communicates and how much they let you communicate, too. Does your communication turn into fights, or does your partner comprehend what you say?
It is also important to know how they act when they are angry. Do they maintain respect when they are angry, or do they disrespect you and say things that make you feel worthless? Respect should be the core of a relationship. Always keep that in mind and make decisions according to it.
It is also essential to communicate whether the other person is willing to adjust for you or if it is always just you making adjustments for them. Marriage is supposed to be both ways. I wouldn’t say it should be 50-50; sometimes, it’s 70-30, and sometimes, it’s 20-80. It is important that you both are willing to put in extra when the other cannot, but it cannot always be just you doing it.
Conclusion
Choosing a partner is a very crucial decision. It can impact many lives and, importantly, yours. Marriage is a huge decision and one of the most important decisions of life. Don’t rush or make decisions based on basic things; always consider all aspects of life when you marry someone, discuss crucial matters and what you two want in life as well as what your future expectations and goals are. Discuss how you both deal with problems and how you will face bad times together in the future. Marriage is a beautiful thing, especially when you are in love, and even when you are not, there are so many arranged marriages that blossom so wonderfully; what’s essential is just considering and discussing certain things before getting married. The divorce rates have been increasing, and you don’t want to be one of them, neither do I want it for you.
