How to Help Your Parents at Home Without Overstepping
Nobody likes to see their parents grow older; as they age, their needs change. They become less able to do things that they could easily do before. Watching your parents’ age is hurtful, and while adult children may find themselves taking on more responsibilities to support their parents, they should remember not to overstep. At a point, adults start parenting their own parents, with all good intentions, but how does it make the parents feel? No matter how much you adult, parents can never really stop looking at you as a kid, so overstepping can make them feel weak. That is why learning the balance between helping them and respecting their independence is essential.
In this article, we will help you learn how to balance helping your parents and making them feel in control.
Understanding your parent’s needs
Before you start helping your parents, it is crucial to understand their needs and preferences first. This understanding is not just about the practical aspects of their care, but also about their emotional and mental needs. It’s about knowing what can you provide for them, and how can you make them feel supported and not dominated. Have open and honest communication with them to better understand their needs, concerns, limitations and expectations. This will help you identify the areas where they need your assistance and those where they wish to maintain their independence. Remember, it is crucial to help and support your parents not just physically and financially but also emotionally and mentally.
Respecting their boundaries
Respecting your parents’ boundaries while helping them is essential. Although it’s easier for you to just do things for them, it might make them feel less in control or weak. Parents usually do not like feeling weak in front of their kids, even if they are, and that is something you need to understand. As parents age, they become slow, have patience and let them do whatever they are doing unless it hurts them. Avoid being overly critical and trying to control or force their decisions. Instead, just provide guidance and assistance while allowing them to make their own choices. Let them know what you think would be more appropriate. Help them make decisions, but don’t overstep by making their decisions for them.
Relationship styles
Not all parents share the same relationships with their children, and you know your parents better than anybody else. You know what makes them angry, what makes them restless and what can hurt their feelings. As your parents age, it becomes children’s responsibility to be more understanding towards them. Don’t get annoyed and impatient with some of their repeated habits, avoid yelling back at them and understand which of your actions will offend them so you can approach them in different and better ways.
Let them feel like your parents.
Don’t parent your parents and let them feel like you are still their children. Let them take the lead whenever possible, whether in doing something or making decisions. Letting them take the lead will also sharpen their skills and help them be active. Make sure you offer help so that they know you are there to help but don’t overstep by taking the lead and doing everything yourself for them. If they express frustration with a task, don’t get impatient; calmly assist them.
Don’t give more than you can
Considering your own commitments to jobs, family and kids, know how much you can give. We all get busy with our own commitments with other stuff; in such circumstances, make sure you keep a caretaker at home to take care of your parents. Even having a part-time caretaker can help improve their quality of life. Parents are always more willing to take help from a third party than their own kids.
Emotional support
Providing for your parents is essential, but emotional and mental support is even more important than that. Financially and physically, providing support to your parents might make them stable, but not emotionally. Adult children often get so busy in their own lives that they forget to spend time with their own parents. Have heartfelt conversations with them, spend some quality time together, check up on them regularly, and take them out for lunch or dinner sometimes. This will also help you understand your parents and their needs; it will maintain a healthy boundary between you and them, and you will always know when you’re overstepping and adequately maintaining a balance. Emotional support is not just a part of the balance, it is the foundation of it.
Practical ways to support your parents
There are various ways you can support your parents without overstepping.
Household chores: Offer to help with basic household chores like cleaning the house, doing the dishes, grocery shopping, and doing the laundry. This can relieve some of their responsibilities and give them more time to relax and do something they like.
Cooking: Help making meals, especially if they struggle to do so or offer help in the kitchen. If you live separately from your parents, get a cook for them to prepare meals, but do so only after discussing it with them. If they refuse, then you can convince them to keep a cook at home twice or thrice a week at least.
Transportation: If your parents no longer drive, drive them to appointments, events, or social gatherings. If you can’t, book them a cab.
Financial support: Help them with house maintenance, bills, and basic needs. Even if they refuse, offer small amounts of financial help. It’s important to discuss this with them to ensure they feel respected and involved in the decision-making process.
How to avoid overstepping
Doing everything for them: while it’s helpful to assist your parents with tasks, doing everything for them can undermine their independence.
Making decisions without their input: make sure you always involve your parents in decision-making processes, so they don’t feel left out or that you don’t need them anymore.
Being overly critical: Avoid being overly critical of your parents’ choices and decisions and focus on providing guidance and support rather than criticism.
Seeking additional resources
If you’re struggling to support your parents on your own, consider seeking additional resources.
Home care services: hire professional caregivers to provide additional support.
Adult daycare programs: Enroll your parents in programs that offer socialization, meals, and activities to help them be active, have fun, and connect with people their age. These programs often include supervised activities, health monitoring, and social interaction, providing a safe and engaging environment for your parents.
Support groups: join support groups for caregivers to connect with others facing similar challenges.
Conclusion
Supporting your parents at home requires a delicate balance between helping them and respecting their independence. Avoid overstepping and making them feel like they are no longer the “head of the family” and that you are. Make sure you always make them feel like parents, respect their boundaries, understand their needs, provide practical help, and support them emotionally to ensure they maintain their independence while also receiving the care and support they need.
